It's been a while since I've been here. Truth be told, I would love to sit down and write just about everyday, but when I actually sit down to do it (at night before bed, because that is the only time of the day that I can quite my mind enough to do it) I am so tired that, most of the time, I can't make it through my post.
Life, as true to me, has been fast and furious. I really don't think I know how to live it any other way. I made myself slow down this summer just because I needed to sit, feel, think and not have to live so fast. Granted, it wasn't under the easiest of circumstances, but it was necessary to be slow and have no purpose other than to grieve and take care of my family.
One day this last week I had lunch with a dear friend of mine who has gained much insight and wisdom in her journey. We were sharing with each other about life and I told her about one day in the last few weeks that was a very difficult day for me. I commented that it was bad day and I wish that I could have a mulligan, or do over, for that day. She replied saying that it wasn't a bad day, it was just a day, that day and it was a very necessary day in my life. Some days are different than others, but it doesn't mean it's bad. And we have to learn to accept everyday as it is. I am so thankful that she shared that with me. I had another day recently. Being a believer, sometimes when I feel those overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness come over me, I have a tendency to blame it on satan. There are times when he does attack us in those ways, however, at this season in my life I realize that it is grief. It is sometimes hard to allow myself to grieve. When life is busy and I have things that need to be taken care of I have to decide whether I will allow myself to experience that grief or not. Pushing it to the side is not a good thing to do. I think back to the first week back to school after the Christmas break. Teachers went back on Monday, the kids joined us on Tuesday. One morning that week Dane woke up not feeling well. I also woke up feeling very emotional. I could have called the nurse in to stay with him but I really felt like I needed to stay home and allow myself that time to feel and heal. Grief is hard and it is hard to give yourself the permission to grieve, but it one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
This last week Kevin's grandmother passed away. She has struggled with dementia for several years now but was in pretty good health so her death was very unexpected. We celebrated her life this past Saturday. As you can imagine it was very difficult for all of us, and I;m speaking for the whole family, but especially the kids and I, Tony and Dorothy, Lori and their dad (it was his mother). I couldn't not go to the funeral just because it would hurt. It hurt whether or not I went, but of course it was very difficult to go. We took a farm to market road to the church and even on the way there I couldn't contain my emotions. Just as we were about to come to the end of the FM road and turn onto another I looked over to my right at a house and there, in front of the garage, was a big, bald guy in black attire on a motorcycle. I felt my sweetheart saying, "It's ok. I'm with you." That sight blessed me and I just thanked God for that gift.
Kevin loved his granny so much. If there was something to be thankful for in the situation I was thankful that Kevin didn't have to experience the loss of his grandmother, and due to her dementia, she didn't experience the loss of Kevin either. They actually both received the best of both worlds. I know Kevin was excitedly awaiting her arrival in Heaven and Granny experienced more joy, unexpectedly of course, when she entered and saw him there to greet her. . There were numerous ones there she expected to see, but she didn't know Kevin was going to be one of them. I;m sure she burst into laughter when she saw his face. Oh how sweet that day will be when it comes!
"Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." Hebrews 4:6
Make it a point to find God's grace in your life and thank Him for the gift he so readily showers us with.
Life, as true to me, has been fast and furious. I really don't think I know how to live it any other way. I made myself slow down this summer just because I needed to sit, feel, think and not have to live so fast. Granted, it wasn't under the easiest of circumstances, but it was necessary to be slow and have no purpose other than to grieve and take care of my family.
One day this last week I had lunch with a dear friend of mine who has gained much insight and wisdom in her journey. We were sharing with each other about life and I told her about one day in the last few weeks that was a very difficult day for me. I commented that it was bad day and I wish that I could have a mulligan, or do over, for that day. She replied saying that it wasn't a bad day, it was just a day, that day and it was a very necessary day in my life. Some days are different than others, but it doesn't mean it's bad. And we have to learn to accept everyday as it is. I am so thankful that she shared that with me. I had another day recently. Being a believer, sometimes when I feel those overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness come over me, I have a tendency to blame it on satan. There are times when he does attack us in those ways, however, at this season in my life I realize that it is grief. It is sometimes hard to allow myself to grieve. When life is busy and I have things that need to be taken care of I have to decide whether I will allow myself to experience that grief or not. Pushing it to the side is not a good thing to do. I think back to the first week back to school after the Christmas break. Teachers went back on Monday, the kids joined us on Tuesday. One morning that week Dane woke up not feeling well. I also woke up feeling very emotional. I could have called the nurse in to stay with him but I really felt like I needed to stay home and allow myself that time to feel and heal. Grief is hard and it is hard to give yourself the permission to grieve, but it one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
This last week Kevin's grandmother passed away. She has struggled with dementia for several years now but was in pretty good health so her death was very unexpected. We celebrated her life this past Saturday. As you can imagine it was very difficult for all of us, and I;m speaking for the whole family, but especially the kids and I, Tony and Dorothy, Lori and their dad (it was his mother). I couldn't not go to the funeral just because it would hurt. It hurt whether or not I went, but of course it was very difficult to go. We took a farm to market road to the church and even on the way there I couldn't contain my emotions. Just as we were about to come to the end of the FM road and turn onto another I looked over to my right at a house and there, in front of the garage, was a big, bald guy in black attire on a motorcycle. I felt my sweetheart saying, "It's ok. I'm with you." That sight blessed me and I just thanked God for that gift.
Kevin loved his granny so much. If there was something to be thankful for in the situation I was thankful that Kevin didn't have to experience the loss of his grandmother, and due to her dementia, she didn't experience the loss of Kevin either. They actually both received the best of both worlds. I know Kevin was excitedly awaiting her arrival in Heaven and Granny experienced more joy, unexpectedly of course, when she entered and saw him there to greet her. . There were numerous ones there she expected to see, but she didn't know Kevin was going to be one of them. I;m sure she burst into laughter when she saw his face. Oh how sweet that day will be when it comes!
Kevin asked me one time if I knew the difference between a present and a gift. He proceeded to tell me that a present is something you ask for, while a gift is something that the gift giver wants you to have. How many gifts have you received lately? I would dare say many more than you think, but more than likely not the kind of gifts you're thinking of. I'm talking about an intangible gift, the gift of God's grace. The song "Your Grace Finds Me" by Matt Redman has been a song that has been close to my heart lately. His grace is evident throughout our lives, we just don't always notice it right away. It's there in the good times, the hard times and the everyday and mundane things. His grace finds us right where we are.
"Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." Hebrews 4:6
Make it a point to find God's grace in your life and thank Him for the gift he so readily showers us with.