Time passes so quickly. I went to the cemetery this afternoon to just sit and be in the quiet and meditate. I hadn't been there in a while. Life has been so hectic lately and I just needed to have some peace both in my mind and spirit.
While I was in San Antonio in February for the Texas Music Educator's Conference I thought a lot about Kevin. That weekend was the anniversary of his marriage proposal. I realized when we got to our hotel and checked in that we were staying in the same hotel that we stayed in that weekend. That was my senior year in high school and Kevin came to San Antonio with my parents to see my all-state concert. I missed him being with me while I was there. He usually went with me to that convention so we could just have some time to ourselves and he would sometimes go to the sessions with me or he would go to the Alamo and other places to sightsee. He would go to concerts with me and we would have our meals together. It was always a nice time. But it was different this year without him.
In March, over spring break, I took Dane and Kiran to Dallas for a few days. The kids love to stay in hotels and we went shopping and to Medieval Times. Pat (one of Dane's nurses) went with us and we all had a great time. Brock was gone on a mission trip with some of our youth group for about half of the week. On Wednesday morning of spring break, I went with Reagen and one of her best friends to Nashville for the rest of the week. We had so much fun and it was very relaxing. We did some sightseeing, ate at some really neat local joints and didn't have much of an agenda. None of us wanted to come home, but we all knew we had to. Although the girls told me that they were thinking about staying and letting me take the bus home, lol. I had some moments on that trip that I really missed Kevin and wished he could have been with me.
I realized today that yesterday marked 10 months since he died. Life is so busy that I haven't kept up with dates. At times it seems like a lot longer than that. The thought of it coming up to the year anniversary soon just makes my stomach turn. Our anniversary is coming up next week and it has been very hard thinking about it. We would be celebrating our 20th anniversary. I miss my best friend so very much. He never ceased to know exactly how to make me laugh, how to make me mad on purpose or make me feel so loved. I always looked forward to talking to him during the day. He always brightened my day, well, most of the time anyway. There were times of disagreement and times we had to work through difficult situations where we didn't agree or see eye to eye, but we both learned so much about ourselves through our relationship. I'm so thankful that he wasn't just my husband, he was also my best friend.
My friend Amber finished putting together the book of cards that people wrote on at Kevin's service. I've been reading them little by little. It has been such a wonderful blessing to hear people's favorite memories of Kevin or their encouraging words to us. Each time thoughts take me back to the day of his accident I feel myself go numb, literally. It's like I have a tingling sensation in my arms and legs and then I can't feel them. I was thinking today about the fact that I saw him, talked to him and hugged and kissed him just an hour or so before his accident and I'm so thankful I got to see him mid-day because it was unplanned. I miss hearing him breathe in bed at night, even though I complained about it numerous times (mainly because he snored). I realized the last memories I have of his breathing were with him in the hospital and him on the ventilator. I remember how badly I wanted to crawl up in that hospital bed with him and just lay next to him. He was such a big boy that there just wasn't any room whatsoever for me to be next to him though.
Love is such a vast emotion and sometimes the pain that comes with it is almost overwhelming, but I'm so thankful I loved. It is always worth the risk.
While I was in San Antonio in February for the Texas Music Educator's Conference I thought a lot about Kevin. That weekend was the anniversary of his marriage proposal. I realized when we got to our hotel and checked in that we were staying in the same hotel that we stayed in that weekend. That was my senior year in high school and Kevin came to San Antonio with my parents to see my all-state concert. I missed him being with me while I was there. He usually went with me to that convention so we could just have some time to ourselves and he would sometimes go to the sessions with me or he would go to the Alamo and other places to sightsee. He would go to concerts with me and we would have our meals together. It was always a nice time. But it was different this year without him.
In March, over spring break, I took Dane and Kiran to Dallas for a few days. The kids love to stay in hotels and we went shopping and to Medieval Times. Pat (one of Dane's nurses) went with us and we all had a great time. Brock was gone on a mission trip with some of our youth group for about half of the week. On Wednesday morning of spring break, I went with Reagen and one of her best friends to Nashville for the rest of the week. We had so much fun and it was very relaxing. We did some sightseeing, ate at some really neat local joints and didn't have much of an agenda. None of us wanted to come home, but we all knew we had to. Although the girls told me that they were thinking about staying and letting me take the bus home, lol. I had some moments on that trip that I really missed Kevin and wished he could have been with me.
I realized today that yesterday marked 10 months since he died. Life is so busy that I haven't kept up with dates. At times it seems like a lot longer than that. The thought of it coming up to the year anniversary soon just makes my stomach turn. Our anniversary is coming up next week and it has been very hard thinking about it. We would be celebrating our 20th anniversary. I miss my best friend so very much. He never ceased to know exactly how to make me laugh, how to make me mad on purpose or make me feel so loved. I always looked forward to talking to him during the day. He always brightened my day, well, most of the time anyway. There were times of disagreement and times we had to work through difficult situations where we didn't agree or see eye to eye, but we both learned so much about ourselves through our relationship. I'm so thankful that he wasn't just my husband, he was also my best friend.
My friend Amber finished putting together the book of cards that people wrote on at Kevin's service. I've been reading them little by little. It has been such a wonderful blessing to hear people's favorite memories of Kevin or their encouraging words to us. Each time thoughts take me back to the day of his accident I feel myself go numb, literally. It's like I have a tingling sensation in my arms and legs and then I can't feel them. I was thinking today about the fact that I saw him, talked to him and hugged and kissed him just an hour or so before his accident and I'm so thankful I got to see him mid-day because it was unplanned. I miss hearing him breathe in bed at night, even though I complained about it numerous times (mainly because he snored). I realized the last memories I have of his breathing were with him in the hospital and him on the ventilator. I remember how badly I wanted to crawl up in that hospital bed with him and just lay next to him. He was such a big boy that there just wasn't any room whatsoever for me to be next to him though.
Love is such a vast emotion and sometimes the pain that comes with it is almost overwhelming, but I'm so thankful I loved. It is always worth the risk.